I should be doing some more homework right now, but I just need a brain break, so I have some more common phrases to kinda sorta make fun of, but be serious about too. Have fun! Maybe I won't argue with myself this time.
A rolling stone can gather no moss.
Yeah, but it gathers speed and dirt unless of course it's rolling on a clean surface. I almost said clean, flat surface, but if it were flat, then the stone really wouldn't be rolling. Yeah, I'm smart and I'll just keep telling myself that.
As I was thinking about this phrase, a commercial I've seen a few times this week popped into my head. You know how when you're watching something online, the commercials are always the same thing because those commercials are sponsoring the show you're watching? Well, there's this Axe shampoo commercial that's been playing a lot lately. There's a guy running on a treadmill and this other guy turns on a fan in the room. The guy on the treadmill continues running, but all this grime comes out of his head off of his hair and hits other people. It's actually pretty disgusting, but sorta entertaining too.
A stitch in time, saves nine.
Is this a quote from Back to the Future? It sounds like it, but I don't know. What does that even mean? What do I look like, a cat? I don't have nine lives. I don't know how to stitch either. I wish I had a Stitch. He's so cute. And what am I saving? Lives? Whose lives? I don't have nine lives because obviously I'm not a cat. Maybe I am a cat. You don't know what I am. I could be a robot for all you know. No, wait! Maybe I'm a cat disguised in a robot operating the robot that is disguised as a human. Yeah, something like that.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
It wasn't? After all this time, I just thought it erupted out of the earth. I mean the ruins are just so authentically placed. I've never been there, so I really have no idea what I'm talking about. It reminds me of the Lizzie McGuire Movie. Is that weird? I'd like to go to Rome someday. That'd be cool. I'd like to see you build Rome in a day. Yeah, didn't think you had it in you.
You know what though? God could build Rome in a day. He really could have, but He didn't. He let us do it. Well, maybe not us, us, but someone built it. Or at least a bunch of people did over the years and ages.
I just know that I wasn't alive then. I wasn't dead, but I wasn't born yet. If you're not born yet, then you aren't dead right? You're just not born. Huh...this makes me ponder life.
Don't count your chickens before they are hatched.
You never know, one could end up being a giant man-eating lizard like a dinosaur that eats all the other chicken eggs and then has you for dessert. Hey, it could happen. That or your chickens could just not hatch. Sad day. :(
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
It could bite you...or have really bad breath. Well, I think horses in general have bad breath. Gross! POSSUM! Wow, that was random. Or the horse could have rotten teeth. Sad day. Has anyone invented dentures for horses yet?
Barking dogs seldom bite.
Duh! They're barking, so clearly they can't bite at the same time. That would be so hard. You try it and let me know how that goes for you. Dogs can't multitask like that geez. Cut them some slack. All they do is eat, poop (because everybody poops!), play, act really stupid, and sleep. They're like cats, but most people like dogs more. I'm a cat person frankly. You can probably tell that though. Cats rule and dogs drool!
I don't think cats can meow and bite at the same time. Though I know they can purr at the same time as eating or biting I guess. My cat likes to chew on my pajamas. I miss Max! Mr. Shaved Butt. My dad makes fun of him because he got shaved over the summer and has like no fur on his butt, but that's probably too much information to you.
There's no smoke without fire.
Ok, fine. I see how it is. But you know you can have steam without fire, and that's kinda like smoke, but it's steam. I was just thinking about contractions and how I might have forgotten to check my paper for those. What got me thinking? Good question. This has nothing to do with smoke and fire. However I just saw in the mirror some flames start up in my hair, but I just quenched the fire. Don't worry about it. It's because I'm hot, isn't it? Oh yeah, that's definitely it! I so have to pee right now, but you didn't need to know that. I just thought I'd let you know. Does anyone have a bottle? Dang it! I could have thrown the pee on my hair, but then I would smell of urine. GORILLAS!!!!! I'm starting to think I should have gone back to bed this morning because this mood I'm in is so weird.
SLAP HAPPY! Story of my life...literally.
Necessity, who is the mother of invention.
Necessity, tell me, who is the mother of invention? Duh! Necessity! What? That makes no sense. Well if you need something and it hasn't been invented yet, then you should go make it. What if I don't want to make it? Then you ain't getting what you so need. Who invented duct tape anyways? I think it's so cool. The colors are so much fun. How was tape even invented period? Interesting. Who invented this phrase? Just saying.
Abby just told me to decide what's more important, tanning or blogging? At least I think she said tanning. I'm clearly blogging though. I don't need skin cancer. Why did she say tanning? I was clearly talking about urinating. Uh oh! Telepathic voice in my head from Shelby. Stop it! I heard her voice and everything! That's almost scary, but not really because I've heard her say it so many times before that it just sticks in there. Sorry, it's just natural. I know a good blond joke about natural, but it's not about urination. I mean it's not that great of a joke. It is about other bodily functions like my stupid runny nose that won't go away.
I seriously just sprinted to the washroom (yeah, I went to Canada (I like to say that differently, but I'm not gonna spell it differently, or maybe it's like Canadia (I ain't gonna smell it if that's what you want (Name that movie!)))) because I had to go so bad. Don't ask me how I held my bladder so long. It's weird. Actually it's probably like the barking, biting dog. I can't run and urinate at the same time. That would just be weird! That's a funny thought though. It's going flying everywhere!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I was thinking about this quote the other day upon listening to a song called Sunny Days by Jars of Clay. My favorite part in the lyrics is when it says:
So far away. Still I think they say
The wait will make the heart grow stronger or fonder
I can't quite remember anyway
It kinda sorta really makes me laugh. It's quite catchy too.
But you know what else? I really like this phrase. I think it stands true. Over the summer, I was away from my friends mostly sitting around bored at home. I got to see both Abby and Shelby a couple of times (ok, so Shelby more than Abby, but whatever, I got to see them), but I didn't get to see my roommate.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think the first day back moving in was kinda weird on all of us, and there have been a few issues I won't get into (I swear I'm bipolar sometimes, but my roommate is convinced tonight that she is too) so far this semester, but for the most part, we're having a great time back at school.
My roommate, no lie, she just belched...on accident. But it was loud! She was eating an orange and I guess it just made her burp. We just sat here laughing for a few minutes. Ah, laughter is so good for you. We're both a bit slap happy today from an early wake up call.
I'm not really sure how to explain the phrase, but I know it's true. Being gone for a while just makes you so happy to be back around friends. I guess it really has to do with anticipation of getting back to school after a long summer. You can't wait because you get to see your friends whom you haven't really seen all summer long. And you're so happy to see them finally.
Yeah, I really don't think I'm making any sense at all, but at least I tried.
All good things must come to an end.
True story. I'd also like to say that it's kinda a sad thing. Because sometimes you're having a really good time with people and you never want it to end, but it has to end eventually. If it never ended, things would probably get boring real fast. Treasure the moments you have because you never know when you might make a memory. That and you could die tomorrow. Life can be so unpredictable. Carpe diem. Seize the day...and no, I'm not gonna go all English major literature meanings and stuff on you.
And with that, this blog is coming to an end. But fear not! For I will be back at some point with more phrases to entertain you with. Who knows when. It could be tonight, or it could be two weeks from now. You'll just have to wait and see.
Wait! You're leaving me?
Yes, what part of that paragraph did you not understand?
Well, I got lost after the first word.
How can you get lost like that?
Very easily. What am I supposed to do until you come back?
Wait around. I don't know. Do what you want.
I don't know what I want to do!
Oh geez. I guess you're gonna have to sit here then and think.
Think?
Yes, think real hard.
I LIKE PURPLE!
Good. Go off of that. You just keep on working through those problems. Meanwhile, I'm gonna leave.
Leave? What?! You can't leave! What am I supposed to do now that you're leaving and going, going gone?
I don't know. Do what you want. Go color everything purple.
I don't have any markers.
Fine. Use your imagination.
Imagination? What's that?
I just hit myself in the forehead with the palm of my hand at your stupidity.
Hey, who are you calling stupid?
Nevermind. It's not important. Go sing a song.
La. La. La. La.
Oh you're so great that you could be on American Idol.
REALLY?!
No, you actually suck.
You're so hurtful. I'm gonna go cry in the washroom.
And while you're at it, why don't you go take a shower because you smell like urine?
Yeah, because I peed myself.
That's just wrong.
I had to put out that fire earlier.
You know my roommate and I were just talking about mummies and toilet paper. If we be mummies for something, then we could just borrow toilet paper from the bathroom. I promise I'll use it all. Yeah Bethany said I'd be carrying a bucket full of toilet paper every time I had to go to the bathroom. Speaking of which, I really have to pee again. So I think I should split.
But not split my pants. I don't want a banana split. I can't do the splits either.
Sad day. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now! That's from a commercial. But seriously I need to direly urinate, so I'm going.
Fine, but see if I let you ever come blog again. How could you not? NAPOLEON DYNAMITE! That was random, but I have to pee. That really had nothing to do with peeing because peeing is not random.
Just go. Stop talking about urinating.
Has anyone ever blown their nose in the toilet? Just saying. I haven't, but maybe you have?
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